Signs of Aging, or, What the Hell is That Thing on my Face?

May 15, 2010 at 11:43 am | Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment
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Greetings, bloggistanis. I have returned from a hiatus of basically nothing interesting to talk about to inform you all that I am getting older. “Panicky,” you may say, “why is this a big deal? Everyone gets older.” Well, if you let me finish, I’ll tell you. Quit getting so uppity in my bidness.

Now, for the purpose of full disclosure, I am in my mid-twenties. This is not old, you may say, and I would have to agree with you. But they say as a man gets older, he loses hair where he wants to keep it and gains it where he doesn’t want it. Basically this means you lose the hair on top of your head and gain it on your back, ass, and probably ear canal, which for the life of me I cannot comprehend why that is necessary. But here is another area that I can give you a prominent example of:

The Angler Fish on my Face

Damn son.

You see? What the hell is that?! Do you see that one eyebrow hair that’s way longer than the rest of them? It looks like a freaking angler fish trying to lure in unsuspecting prey! I should hang tinsel on it for the holidays. Or mistletoe. That’s a better idea. Sidenote: I always wanted a mistletoe belt buckle. But I get the feeling that would give me the unwanted ‘to catch a predator’ look.

But seriously (if anything about this post is serious), that is one freaking long hair. I have no idea how that happens either. Does one hair in my eyebrow say to the rest: “screw you guys, I want a better view,” and he grows an extra inch. Does that mean the rest are going to get jealous and want to follow suit? Am I going to have to actually trim my damn eyebrow hairs to keep them from looking like Jumanji? In my twenties?!

God has a sense of humor. Only sometimes he tells a joke that kinda falls flat. Like long eyebrow hair, or Rod Blagojevich. Seriously, that’s enough Rod.


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