This Band Rulzzzz!!!!1*

March 24, 2010 at 2:30 pm | Posted in Music | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here’s an article I wrote a short while ago about one of my favorite bands. You can even learn my real name! Or is it a pseudonym? You decide…

*Misspelling done purposely for the annoyance of English sticklers, and also to mock people who don’t care about the English language. I like to antagonize everybody.


The Dilemma in Central Falls, RI

March 19, 2010 at 10:00 am | Posted in Politics, Ramblings, Situations | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sorry for the lack of posts, everyone. And I won’t even make a joke about how everyone = my cat. Dang it, I just did. Alright, let’s move on.

I’ve been mildly interested with the news coming out of Central Falls, Rhode Island lately. If you’re unfamiliar, Central Falls is the mecca of bourgeois lifestyle the smallest town in the smallest state in the union, measuring at about 1.5 miles in diameter. The population of the town is about 18,000 people, making it the most densely populated 1.5 miles in the United States, according to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Small town; big story.

On February 18, 2010, every teacher at the Central Falls High School was summarily fired after a meeting of the Central Falls school Board of Trustees. The vote was 5-2 in favor of their firing. How did this happen? Check this out:

Central Falls has continually turned out some of the worst graduation rates in the country; less than 50% of the students graduate. This year, only 55% of the students were considered proficient in reading, and only 7% (that’s not a typo) were considered proficient in mathematics. New federal guidelines, implemented by Education Secretary Arne Duncan, state that schools that are performing at this level of mediocrity need to do something about it, and they will get federal help in order to facilitate the process. Rhode Island was the first state to apply for new federal funds to fix faltering schools, and they stood to gain $12.4 million, as allocated by the state. According to the Providence Journal, there are four proposed methods to make a school applicable for these funds: “school closure; takeover by a charter or school-management organization; transformation which requires a longer school day, among other changes; and ‘turnaround’ which requires the entire teaching staff be fired and no more than 50 percent rehired in the fall.”

The Superintendent, Frances Gallo, proposed ‘transformation’, which included some guidelines to make the scores and graduation rate go up. Some of the proposals included setting aside one hour a week to tutor kids outside of school time, and having lunch with the kids once a week. Also, their work days would be extended to seven hours (instead of 8AM-2PM, it would become 7:50AM-2:25PM). Also two weeks were to be set aside every summer for ‘educational development’. The teachers apparently agreed to most of the terms, but wanted to be compensated for their extra work.

Continue Reading The Dilemma in Central Falls, RI…

Bumblin’ Joe Biden

March 6, 2010 at 8:10 pm | Posted in Politics | 5 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

People sometimes say to me, “Panicky, get out of my bushes.” And other times, people say to me, “Panicky, you sure do pick on Joe Biden a lot. You don’t cut that guy a break at all.” It’s true, I do pick on him quite a bit. I pick on him for various reasons, and considering this, I’ve come to a startling conclusion: I pick on him because I like him.

There’s something about this old-school Irish politician that appeals to me. He says ridiculously stupid things and he doesn’t care. He says racially insensitive things and he doesn’t care. He says things that hurt his administration’s credibility and he doesn’t care. How awesome is that?

Perhaps awesome isn’t the right word. You don’t want him leading a delegation to China and stating how yellow everyone looks there. But it’s oddly refreshing that a politician (a Democrat, mind you) speaks his not-always-politically-correct mind with minimal fear of the consequences. Because of this, he has become a lightning rod for his boss, and the Obama administration as a whole. Early on, during Obama’s campaign and subsequent election, no one went after the eventual commander-in-chief. Instead, SNL, Colbert, Stewart and all the other left-of-center comedy/news programs went after Biden. They made him into the caricature of a bumbling old white guy with old school views on everything; a caricature that was not far off.

To me, he was Dan Quayle redux. George H.W. Bush picked Quayle because he injected youth and vigor into his campaign in ’88; Obama picked Biden because he injected experience and gravitas into his campaign in ’08. These juxtaposed moves were shrewd, and they worked. One time each, so far.

Continue Reading Bumblin’ Joe Biden…

Why Have You Forsaken Me, HP?!

March 4, 2010 at 9:00 pm | Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment

Howdy Bloggeristas.

Sorry to all my imaginary friends who’ve been clamoring for an update from your friendly neighborhood panicky vaudevillian. Y’see, it appears I’m the victim of a suicide. As strange and macabre as that sounds, stick with me, my story gets better.

Well actually, it probably doesn’t.

My HP Pavilion laptop, the keeper of all my information, passed away on the evening of March 2nd, 2010 of extreme hard-drive hyperthermia after almost 4 years to the day of my having bought it . Doesn’t that make me sound so gosh-darn smart? Well, it shouldn’t: my laptop had been overheating and shutting off periodically over the past year until it finally broke something permanently. Thankfully, I saved most of my writings, pictures, music and stuff, but unfortunately, none of the planned blog entries. I know I’m a dinosaur to save them on a Word document before actually publishing them on here, but hey… whatever.

So, hopefully I’ll have a new computer in the next week, so until then hang tight everybody. Maybe I’ll throw something up for ya’ll in the next day or two. Or not. Like ya do.


Re-Reading Gender Issues

February 23, 2010 at 7:00 pm | Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , ,

I recently re-read a great book called Travels, by the late intellectual novelist, Michael Crichton. In it, he discusses many of his travels throughout the globe during his writing days; his lifestyle is one I can only dream of: writing to finance your travels (you know, schlacking off a bit, but really getting to know yourself). He has one chapter that sticks out as being very didactic, and that chapter is on gender. My views on the subject are basically the same as his (with minor alterations), as he discusses how things have changed since the ‘Sexual Revolution.’

First, a little history: this shift in weltanschauung (or ‘world-view’ for those of you who don’t speak snob) didn’t happen without warning, as some would contend. It had been brewing for decades, and some argue centuries. Examples of it go back to the death of Christian morality during the Enlightenment, the falling out of vogue of Victorian era squeamishness in the late 19th century, and the Roaring Twenties and the advent of Flapper girls.

The culmination of it all was in the 1960s, when women were no longer beholden to their traditional sexual role of submissiveness. It has had palpable effects on American and first-world culture in general: pre-marital sex is now the norm, not an aberration; extra-marital sex, while still painful, is no longer taboo. Contraceptives and prophylactics are used with great frequency to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and when those fail, the termination of that pregnancy through abortion is now an easily exercised option. In light of all this, I present to you that while both genders are now considered equal, men have become the romantics, and women have become the pragmatists.

Continue Reading Re-Reading Gender Issues…

Fun with your Camera Phone

February 18, 2010 at 9:15 am | Posted in Photos | Leave a comment

So, if you’re like me (and if you are, I’m sorry), you get struck by how pretty things are sometimes. The sky, or the way the wind moves the branches of a tree, or a bird’s nest in Autumn, or your neighbor undressing in front of the window. Ahem. Anyways, that’s why I’m glad for the invention of the camera phone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a borderline Luddite, but I am glad I can text and go on e-mail and take pictures with my phone. Which really makes it more than a phone, doesn’t it?

Anyhoo, I took a couple of pictures recently that I thought were nice and/or cool, and I thought I’d share them with you. Mind you they’re on a 3.2 MP camera, so don’t expect crystal clear quality.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand another…

The Dome of the Sky

One more? Sure.

Brightness in Winter

See, I’m no prodigy when it comes to using a camera. I don’t have a knack for it, but it’s nice to take a picture of something that brings you joy. And if I, your friendly neighborhood Luddite can do it, then so can you.

The Death of Certainty: Anthropogenic Global Warming in Trouble

February 16, 2010 at 8:15 pm | Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , ,

Today, class, I want to talk about Anthropogenic Global Warming. I know, you’re saying right now, “Panicky, you know it’s impolite to talk about politics, religion or money in polite conversation, because it always leads to either discomfort or discord.” Either that or you’re saying, “oops, wrong site.” Well two things: first is that it’s my blog, not a polite conversation, so ha. Second is the fact that global warming is a scientific matter, and it isn’t, by nature, a political one. It’s just been picked up by politicians as political. But it’s still science.

Science, in order to be kept respectable and feasible, needs to be transparent and open to scrutiny. Scientific theorems need to be examined closely in order to be made an actual Theory, with a capital T, and eventually Law when considered completely immutable. Therefore, we can assume that the Law of Gravity, the Laws of Thermodynamics and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, for example, have been studied ad nauseum, their data meticulously poured over and objectively tested. This is the nature of the scientific method.

Anthropogenic (man-made) Global Warming, or Climate Change as it has become more popularly called in recent years, is also a scientific theorem. The theorem is roughly this: societal and industrial development has had a deleterious effect on our environment, and is expected to continue until drastic measures are taken to halt this effect.

Anthropogenic Global Warming (or AGW) skeptics have used the recent wintry weather to prove that it is false, the same way Global Warming proponents use hot days in summertime to prove that it is true. But who is right? Here’s the skinny: For years AGW skeptics have been raging on about how climatologists have refused to show all of their data, or open their research to scientific debate. Skeptics have also claimed that they’ve been made to look as fools by the mass media for questioning something that was considered unquestionable. The United Nations’ International Panel on Climate Change stated in 2007 that, by 2035, the Himalayan glaciers would have completely melted, killing millions, perhaps close to a billion. The science was certainly infallible.

Continue Reading The Death of Certainty: Anthropogenic Global Warming in Trouble…

The Error of Jim Caldwell

February 11, 2010 at 12:30 am | Posted in NFL | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , ,

I had been wondering for about a month whether Jim Caldwell’s decision to rest his starters in week 16 of the regular season was going to come back and bite him. Many football pundits did, too. Would the Indianapolis Colts regret not going for perfection in December? They were 14-0, and while they weren’t blowing opponents out, they weren’t making mistakes and allowing opponents opportunities. Peyton Manning’s play had been a revelation this year. He was showing the world that he could outplay his positional rival who had bested him the majority of his career: the New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady. He was also showing the world that he could outthink his intellectual rival who had bested him the majority of his career: the New England Patriots’ head coach Bill Belichick.

The Colts had already bested the Patriots in terms of most regular season wins this decade, eventually beating them 115-112 (although the Patriots win 126-122 when playoff wins are included; more on that shortly). The only thing they had left to play for was for the vaunted 16-0 mark. But they saw what happened two years ago to their aforementioned arch-nemesis.

They were 18-0, and wound up 18-1.

It hurt to watch. To have come so close to immortality, just to have had it snatched away by upstarts who barely made the playoffs in the first place. Watching the ’72 Miami Dolphins (the only undefeated team in the Super Bowl era) dance on their proverbial grave didn’t help, either.

Jim Caldwell, one of the most successful rookie coaches in NFL history, likely made his decision in the 15th game of the season with that image in mind. He would rather win a Super Bowl with an imperfect regular season record than lose a Super Bowl with a perfect regular season record.

The logic was sound, on the surface.

Continue Reading The Error of Jim Caldwell…

Who dat sayin’ eaux neaux ‘bout Drew Brees?

February 10, 2010 at 12:15 am | Posted in NFL | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So, football season’s finally over. The miraculous, misfit Saints bested the golden boys of the National Football League, the Colts. Was I surprised? Why, yes. Yes I was. I totally foresaw a Colts win, because I thought the NFL would never do anything to harm the legacy of their last pristine arbiter of America’s true pass-time: football. I mean, who else could be its emissary in the Digital Age other than Peyton Manning?

It can’t be Tom Brady; his legacy tumbled after the bone collapsing defeat to the New York Giants two years ago, and subsequent baby-mama drama.

It can’t be LaDainian Tomlinson (I refuse to call him LT; only Lawrence Taylor is LT); he’s too whiny and his team never dominated.

It can’t be Ben Roethlisberger; you aren’t the poster boy for anything after having been accused of rape, guilty or not.

No, it can only be Peyton Manning, the greatest #1 overall pick in the history of football, or so they would tell you. Wait. What’s that? Who do you think could be the emissary of the NFL now, invisible sidekick? Who? Drew Brees? Really?

Well, I suppose. I mean, maybe. He does seem to be the model of overcoming adversity. Consider:

Continue Reading Who dat sayin’ eaux neaux ‘bout Drew Brees?…

In case of danger, break face.

February 8, 2010 at 8:04 pm | Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment

This is just an fyi to all of my adoring fans, (and by “all of my adoring fans,” I mean “all of you who accidentally traveled to this blog via Google while looking for information on the dead but sorely missed art known as vaudeville”) if I don’t actually link to a site when I say I will, or don’t tag something or anything of that nature, rest assured I’m not intentionally trying to steal or copy information from those funnier than me (which, let’s face it, is an awful lot of people). I just don’t know how to do it yet. So I guess that means I do care about blog etiquette to some degree; mainly because I don’t want to get sued or have an anonymous comment left on this post about how I smell like pickles and shame. I directly credit anybody necessary in the blog itself, but until I give up my Luddite tendencies and become “blog savvy,” you’re gonna have to deal with it. Holla.

« Previous PageNext Page »

Blog at
Entries and comments feeds.